Posts Tagged ‘duels’

Arizona Gunfights

Saturday, December 24th, 2016

“Langhorne, we have to reduce the number of stiffs from gunfights, Boot Hill is getting full,” said Sheriff Wilbur Harp of Gravestone, Arizona to sheriff Langhorne Dillon of Dead Man’s Butte.

“Some tighter rules are needed for sure, Wilbur,” agreed Langhorne Dillon, emitting a brown streak of chewing tobacco toward a spittoon in the corner of the Bird Cage saloon.

“I propose to limit gunfights to between 12 noon and 1 pm, while people are eating,” said Wilbur Harp, sending his own brown streak to the spittoon over a cocktail waitress dressed in red who was leaning over to refill their whisky glasses.

“At your service, boys,” she smiled and wiggled away to the bar.

“Yes, Wilbur, and they can show up at any time between noon and 1 pm and must wait for fifteen minutes. If the other party doesn’t show up, the gunfight is cancelled, violations punished with jail time,” added Langhorne Dillon.

“I agree, Langhorne, but for Gravestone I prefer a ten minute wait,” interjected Wilbur Harp.

“Ok, Wilbur, and the procedure should be monitored by our deputies,” added Langhorne Dillon, stuffing his nose with some snuff.

“To limit things further, they will only have one bullet in the barrel, can spin the barrel and shoot up to three times,” said Wilbur Harp, spinning the barrel of his Colt .45 single-action revolver, causing a nervous ducking reaction of people at the tables in the saloon.

“That’s ok, Wilbur, but in Dead Man’s Butte I prefer that they don’t spin the barrel, but keep shooting up to three times – to be monitored by my deputy Leonard,” said Langhorne Dillon.

“Fine by me, Langhorne,” said Wilbur Harp, sending another brown streak through the air in the direction of the spittoon, just missing the bartender walking by. “Let’s compare statistics at the end of the year to see which procedure is the most effective for reducing the number of stiffs, yours or mine,” he added.

“Right, Wilbur, assuming our current rate of one gunfight per day continues for a year, I’ll ask my deputy Leonard to work out the figures,” said Langhorne Dillon. “With the Clinton gang in operation rustling cattle from Mexico, I don’t figure the current rate will drop much,” added sheriff Dillon.

“Yeah, I know what you mean, Langhorne. Settled then, let’s see if Leonard’s calculations will be accurate,” sheriff Wilbur Harp, emitted another brown streak and downed a shot glass of whisky.

Given this information, can you work out how many coffins  the undertakers of Gravestone and Dead Man’s Butte are likely to need, respectively, during the coming year?


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